Happy for your Happiness

"So, how do you feel that your baby sister got married before you?" WHAT SINGLE GIRL HEARS: "So, since you are single, can you actually be happy about it when someone younger that you gets married before you? If I were you, I would kill myself." SINGLE GIRL SAYS: First of all, even though I am single-I can actually be happy for other people's happiness. Shocking, I know. My baby sister got married before me and I am just fine with that. More then just fine, really happy actually. I gained another brother and the more the merrier! It never even occurred to me to mind. Seriously. I am not sure what the person who asked me that question was actually hoping to hear, but I responded by saying, "I am so happy for her! We love Ryan and are so happy to have him in our family!!" But, I will be honest-I kind of wanted to kick her in the shins.

Single Girl Says

(Continued from Singleton Living-see below) The last Singles Ward that I lived in had a fabulous Bishop who was very eager to get everyone married. Bravo. I totally agree with this philosophy in a Singles Ward. Seriously. In fact, the motto of every Singles Ward should be, "Meet. Mingle. Marry." I am totally okay discussing the status of my singleness with anyone who would like to know. However, there are correct ways of doing this and not-so-correct ways of doing this. Not-so-correct: LET'S TALK ABOUT WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE The only other statement that would elicit such a stunned response from me might be, "Let's talk about why you are so fat." Seriously. Now, I am not sure where the conversation was expected to go from here, but what exactly am I supposed to say to this? When I regained my composure enough to respond, I said, "I am not sure why I am not married yet. People who are not as smart as me get married. People who are way more overweight that I am get married. People who are uglier that I am get married. I am at a loss." Then I said. "You better be careful who you have this conversation with because some girls may be pretty upset by this." I am not sure if this is the correct way to handle this situation, but I chose not to be offended and went about my daily life. Come to find out later, this is a question that was asked to all of the single gals in the ward. Some chose to be offended. SINGLE GIRLS SAYS: Don't be offended by some well-meaning people's inquiries as to why you are still single. Most likely they think that they are helping. And maybe it is not a bad question to contemplate to yourself. We single ladies should be putting ourselves out there and living our lives to the fullest-mate or not. But when someone who does not know you very well decides to give you suggestions as to what you can do to not be single anymore, you can politely let them know that you don't appreciate it. If that doesn't work, you can always move. That's what I did. Seriously. ARE YOU SINGLE BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO PICKY? I have been asked this many times. My question is this-what exactly is TOO picky? As a tall girl, I am a little picky about the height of a potential mate. I just don't want to feel like a body guard. But, if a potential mate meant wearing flats for the rest of my life I would be okay with that. Seriously. And I am not too picky. I will go out with anyone who asks at least once. I will give anyone a fighting chance. I even went out with a guy who smelled like tuna twice. I was hoping that he wouldn't smell like tuna the second time we went out, but no such luck. I really did give it a chance until he lost me talking about how life would be much better if we could all live on the Enterprise. It was then that I realized we were not a match made in Star Trek heaven. SINGLE GIRL SAYS: The more that we can keep our eyes and minds open to the opportunities around us the better. We are all worth a fighting chance. The best thing that we can do is make sure that we are not setting the bar too high for what we expect in a mate. If you make a list of the things that you would like to see in a partner, do not put anything on that list that you don't expect out of yourself. Besides, when you keep your eyes wide open you may find someone who is everything you never knew you always wanted. Seriously. To be continued...

Singleton Living

In a recent article in our local newspaper, the lead read like this, "Where have you gone, Carrie Bradshaw? A nation of TV single ladies turns its poor, lonely eyes to you." The article then goes on to talk about the epidemic that is single women. Epidemic? Seriously? Doesn't the word epidemic usually get paired with things like the bird flu? And since when did being single mean that you are automatically poor and lonely? Granted, I do not speak for all single ladies, but I definitely do not view myself or my single friends as poor and lonely. According to this article, Carrie Bradshaw, from the show, "Sex in the City" is the standard to which I, as a single lady should be measuring myself to. Seriously?
While I chose not to be offended by this article, it did get me to thinking that I may need to do some PR for all of the single ladies out there. The experiences that I have had and continue to have as I travel this life by myself have helped me to realize that there are definitely some misconceptions about this epidemic of singleness. So, over the course of the next few blogs, I will share some instances-and there are many-where my singleness has been a topic of discussion to good friends and strangers alike. I will call it Single Girl Says mostly because I am Single Girl and I am saying it. My hope is that it might help all of us navigate this road together, whether single or attached.
First, though, a disclaimer: Although my sarcastic-ness may come out a lot during the sharing of these instances, I have chosen not to be offended by anything that has been said to me and in most cases I cannot even remember who said them. Most of the time I am just flattered that people still wonder why I am not married. I know that I need to worry when the wondering stops. And I am not bitter. Remember-sarcastic does not equal bitterness. Also, I do not speak for all Single Girls. There may be some that are bitter. Those are the ones that we don't wonder so much about why they are not dating anyone....

So here goes, in no particular order:

SO ARE YOU DATING ANYONE?
When the answer to this is, "No", the reaction is always what I refer to as Diagnosis Face. You know the face-where people automatically feel bad for you and react like you have just told them that you have a tragic disease. Then there is an awkward pause where you know that they are trying to think of something, anything, that will take away my pain and make this moment better for me.

-Single Girl Says: Do not feel bad for me strictly for being single. I do not need your pity. I do not need you to give me your condolences. I do, however, need you to be my fan. And to set me up with that guy you would date if you were not married already...


DON'T WORRY, IT WILL HAPPEN SOMEDAY
This is the response that most often goes along with Diagnosis Face.

-Single Girl Says: Don't worry? IT will happen someday? Seriously-I know that you are trying to comfort me in my time of singleness, but there are way better things that can be said at this time.

-Best answer ever to this question: One time I was asked this by a ward member who was a long time Anne Fan (yes, this is a real thing). His reaction was to put his arm around me and say, "Well, I don't know what is wrong with the guys out there!" Seriously. Best. Answer. Ever.

DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED?
I have been asked this. Multiple times. Usually by someone who doesn't know me very well. The only thing that might be a worse way to ask this question, "Doesn't anyone actually want to marry you?" Seriously.

-Single Girl Says: Of course I WANT to get married. To the right person. And just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean that it won't happen someday. But asking this question is a little mean. It makes us singles feel like the only reason we are single is because we just don't want to be in a relationship badly enough. So, if you are the person that is asking this question, please know that the answer to this is always, Yes-I want to get married. Now please stop asking. Unless you are someone who actually wants to marry me. If that is the case, ask away.

To be Continued....