Swim Suit Shopping

There comes a point in every single person's life where you are faced with the dreaded choice: I need to expand my circle of dating options, so which online site do I choose?

I compare online dating to swim suit shopping. When you know that you need to get a new swim suit, you put it off for as long as you can. You try to get the courage up to go to the store and try on several different styles to see what fits best. You try on the suits, or as I call them, Body Flaw Spotlights, and feel your confidence waning. With each new suit that you try on, you hope that it will fit and even tug and pull to see if it will work. You give it everything you've got. Then, when it doesn't work, you start to feel like it is your fault-maybe I shouldn't have eaten those doughnuts for breakfast, you think. You know that other women have found suits that they are happy with, but for some reason you have not found yours. You know that if you just keep trying and have a good attitude, you will find the right fit. You try all sorts of styles, being successful at finding a suit that fits on top but not on bottom, or vice versa. Your friends and family give you words of encouragement and even share stories of all of their friends who have found the perfect suit. You know that they are right and even tell yourself the same stories, but your courage and resolve start to fail you. Although you are tempted to stay home in your yoga pants and watch a movie, you keep going back to the store time and time again, every trip with renewed hope that this will be it.

Single Girl Says: This is exactly what online dating is like. It has a very high success rate and I truly believe that it is a great tool. Years ago, online dating was very taboo. But not anymore. We shop for everything online: Houses, Cars, Shoes, Colleges-so why not a mate? So, you put yourself out there, at the same time that someone else is putting themselves out there, and maybe something that you post for all the world to see will spark the interest of a potential mate. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or anyone else to be perfect. Just be you. You may not find the perfect match, but you can have fun dating until you do. It will, however, be rough at times. You will find that your confidence in the whole process gets shaken, easily. But do not lose hope. The only way that you will be able to find the right suit is to try on a bunch of different styles and sizes to see what fits best.

The Power of No

Recently I had the chance to catch up with some dear friends and we had a great time discussing the goings on of each other's lives. When the topic of our singleness came up, the three of us told stories and compared notes as to what people say to us when they think that they are being helpful. I was reminded of an incident when I was on a committee to plan a big event and we were giving out assignments. I stated that I would like to do a particular job because it fit the best into my schedule and was met with the response, "Well what do you have to do with your time? You are single..."

Single Girl Says:
Seriously? What do I have to do with my time? Just because I am single does not mean that I have endless amounts of time to do things. Nor does it mean that I am just waiting for things to fill up my time. I actually keep myself quite busy. I do realize that raising kids and having a household to run versus working full time+ and taking care of myself are two totally different kinds of busy. But the fact is, when people say things like that to us single gals, it makes it seem like nothing that we do is valid because we are single. I have been busy enough lately that I have decided that I need to say "no" sometimes so that I can have time to do everything that I need to get done. I have decided that I can say "no" and still feel good about myself. I have had a mini-epiphany that I need to know my limits a little better so that I don't do everything half way. I need to keep a schedule that is right for me, not anyone else. No matter what people think of my schedule, it is just that, my schedule. I have discovered the Power of No-which is not to say that I will be selfish Anne from now on. It means that I will be able to do the things that I need and want to get done and I will be able to do them with style.
And I would never say to anyone, "Well what do you have to do with your time?" It's just rude.

My Best Friend's Wedding

Recently, my Sis Laura's BFF got married. It was a beautiful day and it was fun to celebrate the occasion. Of course, when such an occasion comes along, there is always the dreaded catching of the bouquet (which somehow always coincides with a bathroom break for me-wierd)and other such wedding festivities that serve to remind one of their single-ness. All of these are easy to deal with because most of the time there are other singles to enjoy the occasion with. There is usually fun dancing, food and other festivities that keep the focus on the happiness of the occasion. The not-so-easy to deal with are the questions about the singleness that come from those who think they are better friends with you than they actually are. The worst one of these: "So, when is it your turn?"

Single Girl Says:When is it my turn? Sarcastic me wants to say something like, "Well, we all drew numbers and mine is just a couple behind the brides, so it should be soon!" or "I don't know-I am hoping that my turn didn't come up when I wasn't paying attention!" But, alas, I do not succomb to the sarcasticness. I usually just smile politely and find something shiny to distract them with.
This day is usually a tough one for single gals-especially if the bride is a close friend. And it is not, I repeat NOT because we are jealous of the nuptials. In fact, I usually could not be happier that my BFF is marrying the love of their lives. It just reminds me one more time that I am not the one who is getting married. I am not even close. I get over this toughness pretty quick when I realize how happy I am for my friends. Well, that and eating cake. Cake is always helpful.

Note to the recently married people: Please be patient with us single gals. If you can sense a little bit of sadness in our eyes when we are dancing around with joy at your announcement then just remember to reassure us that you will still be our friends. I realize that the relationship will be changing, but for the first little bit it feels like you are breaking up with me. I will get over that feeling I promise. Especially if by you getting engaged, it means that I have gained a new entry into the Anne Fan Club.

Happy for your Happiness

"So, how do you feel that your baby sister got married before you?" WHAT SINGLE GIRL HEARS: "So, since you are single, can you actually be happy about it when someone younger that you gets married before you? If I were you, I would kill myself." SINGLE GIRL SAYS: First of all, even though I am single-I can actually be happy for other people's happiness. Shocking, I know. My baby sister got married before me and I am just fine with that. More then just fine, really happy actually. I gained another brother and the more the merrier! It never even occurred to me to mind. Seriously. I am not sure what the person who asked me that question was actually hoping to hear, but I responded by saying, "I am so happy for her! We love Ryan and are so happy to have him in our family!!" But, I will be honest-I kind of wanted to kick her in the shins.

Single Girl Says

(Continued from Singleton Living-see below) The last Singles Ward that I lived in had a fabulous Bishop who was very eager to get everyone married. Bravo. I totally agree with this philosophy in a Singles Ward. Seriously. In fact, the motto of every Singles Ward should be, "Meet. Mingle. Marry." I am totally okay discussing the status of my singleness with anyone who would like to know. However, there are correct ways of doing this and not-so-correct ways of doing this. Not-so-correct: LET'S TALK ABOUT WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE The only other statement that would elicit such a stunned response from me might be, "Let's talk about why you are so fat." Seriously. Now, I am not sure where the conversation was expected to go from here, but what exactly am I supposed to say to this? When I regained my composure enough to respond, I said, "I am not sure why I am not married yet. People who are not as smart as me get married. People who are way more overweight that I am get married. People who are uglier that I am get married. I am at a loss." Then I said. "You better be careful who you have this conversation with because some girls may be pretty upset by this." I am not sure if this is the correct way to handle this situation, but I chose not to be offended and went about my daily life. Come to find out later, this is a question that was asked to all of the single gals in the ward. Some chose to be offended. SINGLE GIRLS SAYS: Don't be offended by some well-meaning people's inquiries as to why you are still single. Most likely they think that they are helping. And maybe it is not a bad question to contemplate to yourself. We single ladies should be putting ourselves out there and living our lives to the fullest-mate or not. But when someone who does not know you very well decides to give you suggestions as to what you can do to not be single anymore, you can politely let them know that you don't appreciate it. If that doesn't work, you can always move. That's what I did. Seriously. ARE YOU SINGLE BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO PICKY? I have been asked this many times. My question is this-what exactly is TOO picky? As a tall girl, I am a little picky about the height of a potential mate. I just don't want to feel like a body guard. But, if a potential mate meant wearing flats for the rest of my life I would be okay with that. Seriously. And I am not too picky. I will go out with anyone who asks at least once. I will give anyone a fighting chance. I even went out with a guy who smelled like tuna twice. I was hoping that he wouldn't smell like tuna the second time we went out, but no such luck. I really did give it a chance until he lost me talking about how life would be much better if we could all live on the Enterprise. It was then that I realized we were not a match made in Star Trek heaven. SINGLE GIRL SAYS: The more that we can keep our eyes and minds open to the opportunities around us the better. We are all worth a fighting chance. The best thing that we can do is make sure that we are not setting the bar too high for what we expect in a mate. If you make a list of the things that you would like to see in a partner, do not put anything on that list that you don't expect out of yourself. Besides, when you keep your eyes wide open you may find someone who is everything you never knew you always wanted. Seriously. To be continued...

Singleton Living

In a recent article in our local newspaper, the lead read like this, "Where have you gone, Carrie Bradshaw? A nation of TV single ladies turns its poor, lonely eyes to you." The article then goes on to talk about the epidemic that is single women. Epidemic? Seriously? Doesn't the word epidemic usually get paired with things like the bird flu? And since when did being single mean that you are automatically poor and lonely? Granted, I do not speak for all single ladies, but I definitely do not view myself or my single friends as poor and lonely. According to this article, Carrie Bradshaw, from the show, "Sex in the City" is the standard to which I, as a single lady should be measuring myself to. Seriously?
While I chose not to be offended by this article, it did get me to thinking that I may need to do some PR for all of the single ladies out there. The experiences that I have had and continue to have as I travel this life by myself have helped me to realize that there are definitely some misconceptions about this epidemic of singleness. So, over the course of the next few blogs, I will share some instances-and there are many-where my singleness has been a topic of discussion to good friends and strangers alike. I will call it Single Girl Says mostly because I am Single Girl and I am saying it. My hope is that it might help all of us navigate this road together, whether single or attached.
First, though, a disclaimer: Although my sarcastic-ness may come out a lot during the sharing of these instances, I have chosen not to be offended by anything that has been said to me and in most cases I cannot even remember who said them. Most of the time I am just flattered that people still wonder why I am not married. I know that I need to worry when the wondering stops. And I am not bitter. Remember-sarcastic does not equal bitterness. Also, I do not speak for all Single Girls. There may be some that are bitter. Those are the ones that we don't wonder so much about why they are not dating anyone....

So here goes, in no particular order:

SO ARE YOU DATING ANYONE?
When the answer to this is, "No", the reaction is always what I refer to as Diagnosis Face. You know the face-where people automatically feel bad for you and react like you have just told them that you have a tragic disease. Then there is an awkward pause where you know that they are trying to think of something, anything, that will take away my pain and make this moment better for me.

-Single Girl Says: Do not feel bad for me strictly for being single. I do not need your pity. I do not need you to give me your condolences. I do, however, need you to be my fan. And to set me up with that guy you would date if you were not married already...


DON'T WORRY, IT WILL HAPPEN SOMEDAY
This is the response that most often goes along with Diagnosis Face.

-Single Girl Says: Don't worry? IT will happen someday? Seriously-I know that you are trying to comfort me in my time of singleness, but there are way better things that can be said at this time.

-Best answer ever to this question: One time I was asked this by a ward member who was a long time Anne Fan (yes, this is a real thing). His reaction was to put his arm around me and say, "Well, I don't know what is wrong with the guys out there!" Seriously. Best. Answer. Ever.

DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED?
I have been asked this. Multiple times. Usually by someone who doesn't know me very well. The only thing that might be a worse way to ask this question, "Doesn't anyone actually want to marry you?" Seriously.

-Single Girl Says: Of course I WANT to get married. To the right person. And just because it hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean that it won't happen someday. But asking this question is a little mean. It makes us singles feel like the only reason we are single is because we just don't want to be in a relationship badly enough. So, if you are the person that is asking this question, please know that the answer to this is always, Yes-I want to get married. Now please stop asking. Unless you are someone who actually wants to marry me. If that is the case, ask away.

To be Continued....

Sarcasm does not = Bitterness

A few years ago in a writing class I was taking in college, we were told that to be a successful writer, we must find our voice. What does this mean exactly? Basically, we have to find that voice/attitude/style that will identify our writing as ours. Some people are really flowery and descriptive and you get lost in their many sentences about their surroundings. Some people are experts on just one subject and very passionate at that. So, what is my voice? At the time I was taking the class, I liked to think that I was a quippy, hip, girl-about-town that could easily entertain with my writing. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be able to come up with something great-only to find out that it was just okay. Really. On one of my writing assignments, the Professor wrote that I needed to be, "Less average". I cried more than average tears about that one, but when I talked to him about what he meant, he made me feel more than average and let me know that average was not a bad word, just something that he didn't think that I was. He explained that in most of my writing he had found a style that he enjoyed. He actually looked forward to reading what I had to say because my take on things was unique. Awesome. No pressure or anything. These words have stuck in my head as a turning point in my writing and how I view it. I have appreciated this experience many times throughout the years.
Lately, though, I have been feeling like I have lost my voice. What is it that I want to say? I have been using writing as an outlet for a long time. I don't really care if anyone reads it, but I just picture the words floating from my brain, down my arms, and on to the computer screen. It really is very cathartic. As I look back on my blogs of late I find that I haven't been conveying my thoughts onto computer screen very well. Not that I don't have anything to say, I just haven't been able to pinpoint how I would like to say it. So, I asked myself what my voice is now and I have listened to the thoughts going through my head when I don't have to be thinking about anything at all. Alas, I have found that ever-elusive voice again and it sounds a lot like sarcasm. Sarcasm? Seriously? Yes. I find that I am a little bit sarcastic in my views-not so much the negative sarcasm that will make people feel bad, but sarcasm in a way of looking to find the positive things in situations. And sarcasm does not equal bitterness. Not at all.
Confused? I will attempt to explain in the next few posts if you promise to do one thing: do not think that I am bitter. Seriously. I think that sarcasm can be funny and quite helpful sometimes without being insulting. You will see. Bitter Barlow is not a way that I will be described. Seriously.

My Mom is a Superhero. Seriously.

(Caution: Do not read any further if you get queasy from looking at X-Rays. I think that they are fascinating, but some people pass out. Seriously.)

December 23rd, 2011: It started like any other typical Friday night with the family gathered to eat dinner together. Then, my Mom decided to go to the garage to get some Christmas towels to decorate a basket with so that our dinner would be pretty. A few minutes later, however, the decision to get some Christmas towels would change the fate of the Barlow family Christmas festivities. Mom had fallen and she couldn't get up. Seriously. As soon as the boys saw her on the garage floor and noticed that there was something wrong with the direction that her right leg was pointing they knew that a firetruck and ambulance would be coming to Foxswallow Circle. A few minutes later the firetruck arrived followed closely by the ambulance. Luckily, the Grandbabies were fascinated by the light show going on out front so they were not too affected by all the action. Soon, Mom was scooped up by the paramedics and loaded into the ambulance to make the 4 minute trip to the hospital (Seriously! We timed it-4 minutes to the hospital if you hit the lights just right!). Dad was with her and we decided to eat whilst waiting for news. We also decided that the Christmas towels would be staying in the garage.
Dad kept us updated as to the goings on in the ER and let us know when it was time to come. We all knew that it was serious and said many little prayers to ourselves that it would not be a broken hip. Well, our prayers were answered-she did not break her hip...She decided to pretend that she is a football player and snap her femur in half. Yikes. Laura and I got to the ER with some food and clothes for Dad and were greeted by a Tammy Faye Baker look-alike behind the desk who would only let one of us back to see Mom, so I sent Laura in first. She and Dad came out to get me when a wonderful Dr. came in to give Mom the nerve block so that her pain would be alleviated somewhat. I am pretty sure she would have kissed him had the opportunity arisen. Lets be honest-we all would have kissed Dr. Happy if the opportunity had arisen. When we all got to see her she was in good spirits-instructing me and Laura with where to find the Christmas presents-so we went home and wrapped like crazy until all of the presents were wrapped-about 3am. It felt more like 4am though. Seriously.
December 24th, 2011: Awaiting surgery. Apparently hospitals are not known for their promptness, so we stayed with Mom off and on throughout the day until her scheduled 1:00 surgery took place at 6:00. Yep, it was just a broken femur-no need to hurry. So, while Mom was in surgery we went home and ate and unwrapped presents and tried to rescue some shred of holiday spirit. Luckily Sammie and Spencer kept us entertained. None of us could bring ourselves to use any of the Christmas towels, though. Weird. We ended up having a pretty decent time whilst knowing that Mom was out of pain for a little bit and her bone was being put back together. Around 10pm the surgeon called with a great report and we were able to go to the hospital to see our newly reconstructed Superhero. We all slept a little better that night knowing that the scary part was over. Sort of.
December 25th, 2011: Superhero was up and walking around as soon as the nurses and physical therapists could talk her into it. We decided to visit for a while and have a nice dinner with everyone at home so that she could sleep. Well, sleep as well as you can when you are in a hospital. The next few days were a whirlwind of hospital visits, getting the house ready and recovering from our adventure. On Tuesday afternoon, our Superhero came home! Seriously! Oh yeah, and for an extra special Christmas present she got this:

Some new bionic hardware in her leg! She is a very lucky Superhero! They don't give those things to just anyone. Seriously.
So, for the next few months we will all be concentrating on getting this leg better and making sure that our very own Superhero can walk better than ever before. Luckily, as we have learned from this experience, we are the type of family that circles the wagons when someone is in need. Seriously. The way that this has pulled us closer together has been amazing to me. We have been completely blessed by those around us who have come to our rescue when we needed them the most. Luckily, our Superhero is loved by many.
So, for now we will all pull together so that our Superhero can concentrate on recovery and the dreaded physical therapy. As for me, I am learning to be happy with the small daily victories that inch us ever so slowly closer to our finish line of completely recovered. I am even slowly but surely getting over my hatred of Christmas towels. Seriously! One day at a time...