Resolutions Shmesolutions

As a follow up to my resolution from 2 years ago-wait...was it 3?!?-to start keeping up on my blog more, I have just updated my blog and changed a bunch of stuff if you want to take a look. It is not that I do not think of things to write. I do. Constantly. I am actually usually thinking that I should have a camera follow me around at all times because things are happening to me that are much more interesting than most of the reality TV that is out there. Although it does not happen as beautifully lit or after my make-up has been perfected. Usually I find that the most interesting things happen when I am not paying attention to the minor details like a shower. Or bothering to match my clothes. In fact, most of the time I feel like I get dressed like a 5-year-old and wear whatever is closest and mostly fits. Anyways, I am a goal-oriented person and I feel like I have been awesome at setting goals and accomplishing what I want in certain areas of my life, like my career or my relationships with my family, for example but have neglected a lot of areas of my life that would help me to be more BALANCED. And, although I am not a firm believer that guilt is a productive feeling, I feel guilty about this most of the time. We are always the hardest on ourselves and this is definitely true with me. I find that I hold myself to a much higher standard than anyone else would dream of doing and then I beat myself up about it. If anyone else were to say the things to me that I say to myself, I would most definitely punch them in the face. But, enough about that.
What I really want to put out there into the blogosphere so that I can keep myself in check is that I am setting some serious goals for myself and this is going to be my year. I actually have my year start on my birthday of August 19th and end on the next August 19th and have started out with some pretty awesome experiences so far that I may share at a later date. But for now, I am going to start with my goal #1:
BE MORE OPEN
Open to new experiences, open to people, open to learning, open to expanding my horizons, open to listening, open to serving, basically just open. Where better to start than by blogging? I have always loved it. Blogging has been cathartic for me at times and sharing the hilarity that is my life sometimes has brought me joy. So I am doing it. Blogging again.
My Inspiration: When we were in Relief Society last week, one of the sisters asked a question about what we would do if there is someone among us who lets us know that they are not feeling welcome or loved. There were many answers and experiences shared as to what we should do to help others, but the question crossed my mind, "Who here HASN'T had a time where they were not feeling welcome or loved?" In having a discussion with some friends a few days later, I related the experience and the fact that I could not get that question off my mind. I just could not help but think that if we all remembered that everyone, no matter how strong and resilient they seem on the outside, EVERYONE has felt this way at one time or another. Everyone knows what it feels like to be in a room full of people and feel truly alone. It is only when we are open that we have the opportunity to share those things with others that we realize that we are all in the same boat. We can gain strength from each other. I find that with myself I keep a lot bottled inside and figure that I can take care of myself and handle everything on my own. Only by being more open in my life will I be able to grow and have opportunities that never would have presented themselves if I am not.
So there it is. Out in the open. I am going to be more open. I am going to be more open. I am going to be more open. Who knows where this will lead me, but all I know is that I am open to finding out...
Until next time.

But I Want It NOW!!

In one of my most favorite movies from my youth, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Veruca Salt sings a song that clearly states a list of the things that she would like her father to buy her. At the end of the song, she yells very loudly the words, "But I want it NOW!!"
Patience has never been one of my strong characteristics and when I find myself in the middle of working hard for something I want, my inner-Veruca comes out. I have my list of things that I would like-not necessarily for my Father to buy me-and I want them NOW.
It is while I am in the midst of wanting things NOW that I am reminded that good things come to those who wait. I hear that patience is a virtue. The best things in life aren't free. Slow and steady wins the race. Blah Blah Blah.
Well, I have a bone to pick with patience. It is hard and I don't like it. I know that greatness is in store, but I would like it to be in store by tomorrow. Not even by tomorrow, by tonight. It's like I have an angel on one shoulder that is telling me to be patient and that everything will work out and a devil on the other shoulder poking me in the ear with a sharp stick telling me that I need what I want to happen NOW. Right now the sharp stick in my ear is winning.
Don't get me wrong, I am not bitter and I do truly believe that there is greatness in store. I am just not in the patience fan club right now and I am not sure when it is that I will be. Definitely not NOW. For now, I am just trying to get back to basics and have more things in my life that make me happy. Like chocolate. And friends. And balance. And less of me to love (I have lost 30lbs and counting, but that is a topic for another time). And writing-I have missed writing.
So what is the point to this post? The point is that I am back. I am back to the writing world after having a break for a whole year. Patience is kicking my butt right now, but I am not going to let it win. I am going to put my head down and go to work and get things moving in a positive direction again. And I am going to do it NOW.
Patience better watch out....

Swim Suit Shopping

There comes a point in every single person's life where you are faced with the dreaded choice: I need to expand my circle of dating options, so which online site do I choose?

I compare online dating to swim suit shopping. When you know that you need to get a new swim suit, you put it off for as long as you can. You try to get the courage up to go to the store and try on several different styles to see what fits best. You try on the suits, or as I call them, Body Flaw Spotlights, and feel your confidence waning. With each new suit that you try on, you hope that it will fit and even tug and pull to see if it will work. You give it everything you've got. Then, when it doesn't work, you start to feel like it is your fault-maybe I shouldn't have eaten those doughnuts for breakfast, you think. You know that other women have found suits that they are happy with, but for some reason you have not found yours. You know that if you just keep trying and have a good attitude, you will find the right fit. You try all sorts of styles, being successful at finding a suit that fits on top but not on bottom, or vice versa. Your friends and family give you words of encouragement and even share stories of all of their friends who have found the perfect suit. You know that they are right and even tell yourself the same stories, but your courage and resolve start to fail you. Although you are tempted to stay home in your yoga pants and watch a movie, you keep going back to the store time and time again, every trip with renewed hope that this will be it.

Single Girl Says: This is exactly what online dating is like. It has a very high success rate and I truly believe that it is a great tool. Years ago, online dating was very taboo. But not anymore. We shop for everything online: Houses, Cars, Shoes, Colleges-so why not a mate? So, you put yourself out there, at the same time that someone else is putting themselves out there, and maybe something that you post for all the world to see will spark the interest of a potential mate. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or anyone else to be perfect. Just be you. You may not find the perfect match, but you can have fun dating until you do. It will, however, be rough at times. You will find that your confidence in the whole process gets shaken, easily. But do not lose hope. The only way that you will be able to find the right suit is to try on a bunch of different styles and sizes to see what fits best.

The Power of No

Recently I had the chance to catch up with some dear friends and we had a great time discussing the goings on of each other's lives. When the topic of our singleness came up, the three of us told stories and compared notes as to what people say to us when they think that they are being helpful. I was reminded of an incident when I was on a committee to plan a big event and we were giving out assignments. I stated that I would like to do a particular job because it fit the best into my schedule and was met with the response, "Well what do you have to do with your time? You are single..."

Single Girl Says:
Seriously? What do I have to do with my time? Just because I am single does not mean that I have endless amounts of time to do things. Nor does it mean that I am just waiting for things to fill up my time. I actually keep myself quite busy. I do realize that raising kids and having a household to run versus working full time+ and taking care of myself are two totally different kinds of busy. But the fact is, when people say things like that to us single gals, it makes it seem like nothing that we do is valid because we are single. I have been busy enough lately that I have decided that I need to say "no" sometimes so that I can have time to do everything that I need to get done. I have decided that I can say "no" and still feel good about myself. I have had a mini-epiphany that I need to know my limits a little better so that I don't do everything half way. I need to keep a schedule that is right for me, not anyone else. No matter what people think of my schedule, it is just that, my schedule. I have discovered the Power of No-which is not to say that I will be selfish Anne from now on. It means that I will be able to do the things that I need and want to get done and I will be able to do them with style.
And I would never say to anyone, "Well what do you have to do with your time?" It's just rude.

My Best Friend's Wedding

Recently, my Sis Laura's BFF got married. It was a beautiful day and it was fun to celebrate the occasion. Of course, when such an occasion comes along, there is always the dreaded catching of the bouquet (which somehow always coincides with a bathroom break for me-wierd)and other such wedding festivities that serve to remind one of their single-ness. All of these are easy to deal with because most of the time there are other singles to enjoy the occasion with. There is usually fun dancing, food and other festivities that keep the focus on the happiness of the occasion. The not-so-easy to deal with are the questions about the singleness that come from those who think they are better friends with you than they actually are. The worst one of these: "So, when is it your turn?"

Single Girl Says:When is it my turn? Sarcastic me wants to say something like, "Well, we all drew numbers and mine is just a couple behind the brides, so it should be soon!" or "I don't know-I am hoping that my turn didn't come up when I wasn't paying attention!" But, alas, I do not succomb to the sarcasticness. I usually just smile politely and find something shiny to distract them with.
This day is usually a tough one for single gals-especially if the bride is a close friend. And it is not, I repeat NOT because we are jealous of the nuptials. In fact, I usually could not be happier that my BFF is marrying the love of their lives. It just reminds me one more time that I am not the one who is getting married. I am not even close. I get over this toughness pretty quick when I realize how happy I am for my friends. Well, that and eating cake. Cake is always helpful.

Note to the recently married people: Please be patient with us single gals. If you can sense a little bit of sadness in our eyes when we are dancing around with joy at your announcement then just remember to reassure us that you will still be our friends. I realize that the relationship will be changing, but for the first little bit it feels like you are breaking up with me. I will get over that feeling I promise. Especially if by you getting engaged, it means that I have gained a new entry into the Anne Fan Club.

Happy for your Happiness

"So, how do you feel that your baby sister got married before you?" WHAT SINGLE GIRL HEARS: "So, since you are single, can you actually be happy about it when someone younger that you gets married before you? If I were you, I would kill myself." SINGLE GIRL SAYS: First of all, even though I am single-I can actually be happy for other people's happiness. Shocking, I know. My baby sister got married before me and I am just fine with that. More then just fine, really happy actually. I gained another brother and the more the merrier! It never even occurred to me to mind. Seriously. I am not sure what the person who asked me that question was actually hoping to hear, but I responded by saying, "I am so happy for her! We love Ryan and are so happy to have him in our family!!" But, I will be honest-I kind of wanted to kick her in the shins.

Single Girl Says

(Continued from Singleton Living-see below) The last Singles Ward that I lived in had a fabulous Bishop who was very eager to get everyone married. Bravo. I totally agree with this philosophy in a Singles Ward. Seriously. In fact, the motto of every Singles Ward should be, "Meet. Mingle. Marry." I am totally okay discussing the status of my singleness with anyone who would like to know. However, there are correct ways of doing this and not-so-correct ways of doing this. Not-so-correct: LET'S TALK ABOUT WHY YOU ARE STILL SINGLE The only other statement that would elicit such a stunned response from me might be, "Let's talk about why you are so fat." Seriously. Now, I am not sure where the conversation was expected to go from here, but what exactly am I supposed to say to this? When I regained my composure enough to respond, I said, "I am not sure why I am not married yet. People who are not as smart as me get married. People who are way more overweight that I am get married. People who are uglier that I am get married. I am at a loss." Then I said. "You better be careful who you have this conversation with because some girls may be pretty upset by this." I am not sure if this is the correct way to handle this situation, but I chose not to be offended and went about my daily life. Come to find out later, this is a question that was asked to all of the single gals in the ward. Some chose to be offended. SINGLE GIRLS SAYS: Don't be offended by some well-meaning people's inquiries as to why you are still single. Most likely they think that they are helping. And maybe it is not a bad question to contemplate to yourself. We single ladies should be putting ourselves out there and living our lives to the fullest-mate or not. But when someone who does not know you very well decides to give you suggestions as to what you can do to not be single anymore, you can politely let them know that you don't appreciate it. If that doesn't work, you can always move. That's what I did. Seriously. ARE YOU SINGLE BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO PICKY? I have been asked this many times. My question is this-what exactly is TOO picky? As a tall girl, I am a little picky about the height of a potential mate. I just don't want to feel like a body guard. But, if a potential mate meant wearing flats for the rest of my life I would be okay with that. Seriously. And I am not too picky. I will go out with anyone who asks at least once. I will give anyone a fighting chance. I even went out with a guy who smelled like tuna twice. I was hoping that he wouldn't smell like tuna the second time we went out, but no such luck. I really did give it a chance until he lost me talking about how life would be much better if we could all live on the Enterprise. It was then that I realized we were not a match made in Star Trek heaven. SINGLE GIRL SAYS: The more that we can keep our eyes and minds open to the opportunities around us the better. We are all worth a fighting chance. The best thing that we can do is make sure that we are not setting the bar too high for what we expect in a mate. If you make a list of the things that you would like to see in a partner, do not put anything on that list that you don't expect out of yourself. Besides, when you keep your eyes wide open you may find someone who is everything you never knew you always wanted. Seriously. To be continued...